Why
by OCDBookNerd
Summary: Why do you do this to me Max? Songfic, Fax. Songs by Secondhand Serenade.
1. Chapter 1

**Why.**

_The buttons on my phone are worn thin_

_I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in._

I threw my phone back at the bed of the hotel. Where was she? Max; the ultimate leader, the best there was, collected and together, never answered her fucking phone. Typical. Of course, there was the slight problem that, as usual, she'd found a reason to be pissed at me. Also typical. It's not like I've seen her much lately for me to do something wrong. In fact the only reason I hadn't seen her was because she asked me to stay away, a normal occurrence after each heavenly idyllic kiss. Although Max was a fantastic leader, the paramount of all the flock, her flaw was obvious. While I masked all my emotions, concealed them behind an emotionless mask, Max covered hers away completely, ran away from them all. Ignorant to the fact she even had these sensations. It infuriated me.

_But I've broken all my promises to you_

_I've broken all my promises to you._

I tried many times to smash her shell, allow her emotions to be free, but instead, she shatters my heart. Cowering away, and Max has never been one to cower. I'd vowed to myself not to try again, but each time I see her smiling face, oblivious to how God damn beautiful she was, I couldn't help but want to launch myself at her, show her the real me. Expose myself to her, be all that I am. I wanted to stop hiding behind my mask. Yet I couldn't. Max would never accept me like that, so I allowed myself little moments, when I would smile, let my soul leap through my eyes, hoping she would see, and acknowledge that I was in love with her.

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

She always left, she always hid. I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't allow myself to just sit back and not try, knowing what I was missing. She haunted my thoughts every second of every day, I wanted to be with her. Why did she have me feeling like this? How does she have this effect on me? I slammed my fists against the wall of the hotel room, resting against it. A dull throb in my head.

_You make it hard to smile because_

_You make it hard to breathe_

_Why do you do this to me?_

Why wouldn't she see that I was in love with her? That my world revolved around her? That her very presence lightened up my whole life? Could she not understand that every time I see her, my heart skips a beat. My breath catches in my throat. So why? Why would she just leave me. Could she not understand that my heart wasn't just breaking, it was shattering.

_A phrasing that's a single tear,_

_It's harder than I ever feared_

_And you were left feeling so alone._

I glanced around the hotel room, empty. My eyes glistening. How long would Max leave me this time? How long would she give me the silent treatment? It usually differed between a week to up to a month. I cursed, wondering why I put myself through this all the time. Why I let myself become exposed when I know she will just break me. I sat down on the bed, leaning back and placing my hands on my own, muscle twisted stomach, allowing my time to pass by in a blur of ceiling paint drips. A statue to eternity.

_Because these days aren't easy_

_Like they have been once before_

_These days aren't easy anymore._

Memories distorted and fuzzy soared back at me. Times when I would of just sufficed to have her look at me. Just to see that glisten in her eye and know her complete focus was on me. Even when I wasn't looking, I could feel her gaze on me. Soaking it in. But ever since that first, unforgettable kiss on the beach, when her lips connected with mine, and I felt that surge of energy, the fireworks, my soul radiant with exhilaration, I could never go back. It got harder and harder for me to tear myself away from her. Stop mistaking our closeness for something of pleasure, rather than necessity. If only I could steal one more kiss, just one more, to subside my desire. That was how I'd gotten into this mess in the first place.

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile because_

_You make it hard to breathe_

_Why do you do this to me?_

_To me, to me, to me..._

The shadow of her fleeting figure, getting further and further away in the night sky, pained me to view. The thought that I'd tried to get her to see, and she'd run off, once more. Although, looking though the window this time, wanting the pain to know I was still alive, rather than this dull inferno of nothingness, I could see no figure, no shadow of the girl I loved retreating away. The idea of her super speed overrode my confusion and I was greeted with a vast new and intense pain. She just couldn't get away from me fast enough.

_I should've known this wasn't real_

_And fought it off and fought to feel_

_What matters most? Everything_

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she didn't feel the same way. It could of just been me, my want and my desire, thinking, wishing that what she thought of me, matched what I thought of her. But obviously, my life was not lucky. Of course someone as fantastic as the great Maximum Ride would not fall in love with me. Fang? There was a better chance of a meteor crashing to Earth and landing on my head. It was all clear to me now. She did not feel the same. I'd stolen each blissful, yet unwanted kiss, without her permission, which was why she was always so pissed off at me. This was not what she wanted. This reality hit me like a sledge hammer, a violent pit of disgust rising in my stomach, my one and only love did not feel the same way. Unfortunately, I loved her enough to respect that choice. I would stop trying. My heart would not take anymore.

_That you feel while listening to every word that I sing._

_I promise you I will bring you home_

_I will bring you home._

I shut my eyes, yet hearing a slight creak to my right side, towards the door made me jerk upward. My eyes shot open, yet it was dark. Pitch blackness flooded my sight and I was forced into a senseless pit of gloom. My ears pricked at the next slightest movement. A brush of wind as something came closer. A whisper that I couldn't quiet make out. I positioned my body defensively. Bracing myself for the worst. "Fang?"

"Max?"

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile because_

_You make it hard to breathe_

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile because_

_You make it hard to breathe_

_Why do you do this to me?_

_To me, to me, to me..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Broken.**_In the moonlight_

_Your face it glows_

_Like a thousand diamonds_

I stared at her. Her face glistening with sweat from her short lived flight and I smiled. Beautiful. Blonde curls from the front of her head stuck to her forehead slightly. With her blue eyes staring at the floor, her head tilted down slightly. The moonlight basked the room in a mysterious glow, lighting her face perfectly.

_I suppose_

_And your hair flows like_

_The ocean breeze_

Her blonde hair fell over her shoulders as the shook. I heard her chuckling under her breath. "Max?" I questioned. Awe as to what she could be laughing at.

"I'm sorry."

_Not a million fights_

_Could make me hate you_

_You're invincible_

_Yeah, It's true_

I smirked too. I loved this girl so much. No matter what she did, how she acted, I knew I always would. It was my burden, and I could not share. I wondered how she managed it. To laugh at a time like this when my heart was shattering, just to be this close and not be able to touch.

_It's in your eyes_

_Where I find peace_

I looked up and saw her staring at me. Her eyes caught mine and I saw them glisten. That same glisten I'd seen on the beach after our first kiss. The same glisten that I used to see whenever she looked at me. The glisten that would easily light up the night sky as it did my life every day. Her eyes looked away and the glisten, so easily, vanished.

_Is it broken?_

_Can we work it out?_

_Let's light up the town, scream out loud!_

"Max" I stated, my voice straight. All my effort went into not giving anything away. Her hair had fallen over her face, veiling her eyes from mine. The silence grew, I moved my hand out to touch her shoulder reassuringly. I couldn't have her not look at me. I needed to see her eyes, catch that glisten one more time. If that was all I could have.

_Is it broken?_

_Can we work it out?_

_I can see in your eyes_

_You're ready to break_

_Don't look away._

I moved my hand up to her neck, to her cheek, tilting her head to look at me, looking in her eyes. The glisten reappeared and she smiled shyly, looking down. "Don't" I whispered. She looked back, her eyes searching for an answer to my need for her gaze. I needed to know she could see me. Know that I was there, for her.

_So here we are now_

_In a place where_

_The sun blended_

_With the ocean thin._

Both of our bodies statue onto the bed. Our position immersed in the suns glowing dawn as it clawed its way across the sky and into the room. We both sat in the silence. Taking in each others presence. How I wished I could lean in to her. Have her lips on mine, but it was not fair. I could not keep stealing each kiss, I knew now that she couldn't be mine.

_So thin, we stand_

_Across from each other_

_Together we'll wonder_

_If we will last these days_

"I can't do it Fang" she muttered.

"Do what?" I asked looking up at her. Confusion spread across my face.

"I can't do this, be with you but not with you" she said. This was not helping my confusion. "Every time you kiss me… I can't" she stood. I grabbed her arm, causing her to hesitate.

_If I asked you to stay_

_Would you tell me_

_You would be mine?_

"Max? Don't leave" I pleaded. I had to explain. I had to let my mask down enough for her to understand me, for her to understand that I needed her, I needed her smile in my life, I needed her presence. It killed me everyday for her to be nothing more than a friend. That all she would ever see me as is a friend. I wanted so much more.

_And time_

_Is all I ask for_

"Just one more second, let me explain"

_Time_

_I just need one more day_

How could I put into words what I feel? How could I put each heavenly feeling for her into words? How could I make her understand? This was too hard. Her face was looking away. Her shoulders sagging slowly, disappointment ebbed out of her.

_And time_

_You've been crying too long_

She turned to face me, her eyes glistening, but differently from before. Tears filled, veiling her beautiful eyes in sorrow and despair. I couldn't do this. I had to do this.

_Time_

_And your tears wrote this song_

_Stay_

"Please, stay with me, I need you to understand!"

"Understand what Fang?" She asked, turning to face me. I gulped, this was it.

"Understand that each time you walk away from me, my heart shatters. You're destroying me Maximum Ride." I whispered.

"What?" She bend down, to look me in the eyes. Lifting my chin so I was forced to look back at her.

_In the moonlight_

_Your face it glows_

Light shadowed her face, the fresh tears sparkling in the glow of the sun. Her old glisten was back.

_Is it broken?_

_Can we work it out?_

_Let's light up the town, scream out loud!_

_Is it broken?_

_Can we work it out?_

"What are you saying Fang?" There was a slight twist of anger in her voice. Then it clicked. It clicked why it hurt so much, why I wanted to be with her every second of every day. Why I wanted to touch her. To kiss her.

"I'm in love with you."

_I can see in your eyes_

_You're ready to break_

_Don't look away. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Vulnerable.**

Quickly Max looked away, getting up, and walking towards the bed. Her eyes caught mine as she glimpsed at me again, and she blushed, quickly pulling a blanket over her face. Her beautiful, heavenly face. I was suddenly overcome with a cold feeling, frosty and grey. I needed to be by her.

_Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped inBecause it's cold outside, cold outside, it's cold outside_

Slowly, so slowly I could see the seconds racing past, I wandered to her side. I turned to her, wanting her to look me in the eyes, but dreading her gaze. I needed to know the truth. I'd finally said it, I'd finally uttered my feelings to her, and this was the reaction I knew was coming; denial, rejection, rebuttal. I stared at her, waiting for her own feelings to come out, waiting for her to tell me that it wasn't mutual. My love was only one sided. Waiting for her to tell me her secrets.

_Share with me the secrets that you kept inBecause it's cold inside, cold inside, it's cold inside_

I sat down beside her, facing her. Trying to look her in the eyes. Trying to get some answers. "Max…" I whispered, the sound of her name made her head shoot up, shock placed plainly on her face, as if she expected no such words. "Max…I…" but she cut me off, her finger moving towards my lips, in an attempt to seal them shut, quivering, uncertain, scared._And you're slowly shaking finger tipsShow that you're scared like me_

Her hand was shaking, but she tried to look confident, moving it softly to my cheek. I leant my face into her hand, finally glad she was making the move. Glad that she was trying to show it. I wanted to say her name again, to show her that it was her, always her, but the silence was too perfect.

_So, let's pretend we're alone_

It was just me and her, alone in the world.

_And I know you may be scared_

_And I know we're unpreparedBut I don't care_

I looked at her, her name stuck in my throat. Her eyes held onto fear and anxiety, "Fang," she finally spoke, her voice barely a whisper, but I was able to hear it. She exhaled deeply, "Fang, don't…"

Her rejection stung like a bitch. I could almost feel myself falling, feel my soul breaking, feel my heart shattering. This girl was my world, she meant everything to me, and she was destroying me. "What?" I mumbled, trying to stop the tears showing in my eyes, trying to stop my world crumbling around me, trying to stop this feeling of torment that had so quickly taken over.

"It's not how you feel, you just think that because I'm the only one around." She mumbled.

_Tell me, tell meWhat makes you think that you are invincible?_

My eyebrows raised, in spite of everything, I managed a smirk to play on my lips. "Are you telling me that I'm not in love with you?"

_I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure_

She nodded, slowly and confidently. "You can't be."

My heart instantly sunk, "Does that mean, that you can't feel that way about me?"

"I'm the leader of this flock Fang, you can't expect me to feel that way, you can't expect me to fall in love with you. It's not possible."

Her words rung in my ears like my own funeral bell.

_Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerableImpossible_

"Max," I pronounced, "Look at me." My eyes bore into the back of her head until she finally turned around, almost cringing under my stare. "Max, you can tell me that you don't feel the same why, you can tell me that each heavenly kiss we've ever shared has meant nothing to you, and you can tell me that I'll never be more than your friend, such, it'll hurt like hell, but I can glue my splintered heart back together." She looked away, frowning, and shaking her head.

"However Max," I asserted, "There is no way, that I'm going to stand by and let you have the cheek to say that I'm not in love with you. I was born loving you Max."

_I was born to tell you I love youIsn't that a song already?I get a B in originality_

"It's true, that the only cause my heart has to beat is the because you breathe. The only reason I have to be alive, is because you exist. The only reason I feel anything is because you walk this Earth, and you may not have the same feelings, but there is no way I'm going to stand by and let you think my love for you is nothing, because it's not. It's everything to me Max. The only reason I fight, the only reason I live, is because I love you."

_And it's true I can't go on without youYour smile makes me see clearer_

She tried to walk away from me, "Fang, stop…" but I couldn't let her go, I'd started now. I couldn't let her leave without knowing the full extent of my feelings. I saw a flicker in her eyes. A spark of hope ignited in my body. I grabbed her elbow, and in her hesitation turned her to face me. A smile sparkled across her lips as she saw the intensity of my own stare.

"You're beautiful Max,"

_If you could only see in the mirror what I see_

She looked at me, actually properly looked at me. "And I'm in love with you." I whispered, my lips brushing at her ear. Her shiver causing my to loosen my grip slightly, knowing that she wouldn't leave me.

_And you're slowly shaking finger tips_

Her fingers outlined my eyes, slowly and unsteadily trailing down my face, to my chest. Drawing circles in my shirt. Her eyes refusing to look anywhere but into my own.

"I can't Fang…"

_Show that you're scared like me so_

"I'm scared." She whispered.

_Let's pretend we're alone_

I moved my face closer to hers. Our breaths mixing in the closing gap between us, nothing but us, frozen in time, our moment.

_And I know you may be scaredAnd I know we're unpreparedBut I don't care_

"We're all scared Max," I murmured, inching ever closer. "It's just one, more, risk." Our breaths just short and quick, unable to grab enough air.

I stopped. Barely a centimetre away from her lips and I almost felt her whole body sigh. "I love you Max, and there's nothing I want more than to kiss you right now, to explode those incredible feelings I have building up for each time we kiss, but it's not fair on you, I love you enough to respect that."

_Tell me, tell meWhat makes you think that you are invincible?_

I moved away, cursing myself for letting her go, but knowing I had to. I stepped back, as Max just stood there, her face dropped to her shoes, as if they somehow held the answer to everything she wanted. Finally, after what felt like hours of waiting, she looked up. "Fang…"

_I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure_

I stared at her. My gaze questioning and intrigued. "I'm sorry…" she muttered. My face dropped, my stomach plummeted, my heart plunged into the darkness.

_Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerableImpossible_

I saw that flicker in her eyes one more time, before she quickly looked away and I knew I had one last try. One last try to make it work._Slow down girl - you're not going anywhere_

"Max," I said, "Wait…" she hesitated, before turning round to face me once more. In that one moment I could see every emotion plastered onto her face, she was terrified. She was upset, she was hurt. It broke my heart to see her that way. It destroyed me.

_Just wait around and see_

"Max, please" I stepped towards her, holding out one of my hands to hold onto hers, hoping it to be reassuring. "Try…"

_Maybe I am much more you never know what lies ahead_

"I'm scared Fang, I don't want to lose you."

_I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything_

I chuckled almost silently, slowly streaming my hands up to her face, softly holding it in place so she looked into my eyes. "Max, I'd shift the whole universe just to see you smile, there is no way you're going to ever lose me."

_Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed_

"It still hurts that you left me Fang…" she virtually whimpered. "I can't live with that again."

I inwardly cursed. How could I convince her I was going to be here, all the time? How could I convince her I would never leave?

_I can be anyone, anything, I promise I can be what you need_

"Max, I promise you, I will never leave you again, I'm in love with you Maximum Ride, come rain or shine, come hell or high water, I love you. I love you now, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then.""I can't do it Fang." She looked away._Tell me, tell meWhat makes you think that you are invincible?_

"Max, I can see it in your eyes, I can see that flicker of excitement when I'm near you. All you have to do is say. Just say, the, words." I said, leaning closer to her lips once more, until only the briefest of gaps remained.

_I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure_

Her eyes where starting to close, she was trying to act confident. "Fang…" she whispered, bringing her arms and snaking them around my neck. Her eyes, half shut where looking into mine, I knocked down the wall behind my eyes, shrugged back the veil, let everything I felt for her show in my eyes. Let her see into my soul.

"Say the words Max," I sighed.

She pulled back.

_Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable_

"I'm sorry Fang, I can't. It's too hard."

_Impossible…_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 's Not Over.

I turned away from her, feeling the tears sting in my eyes, not wanting her to see my cry. I'd already laid so many emotions down for her to take and she'd just threw them away, without even giving them a fleeting glance. I turned and walked away from her.

_My tears run down like razorblades and no, _

_I'm not the one to blame: it's you or is it me?_

My eyes finally let loose the tears I'd been holding back, each one as painful as the next, as if travelling down my face was a way to slice open my heart. This was it, I could feel my world crumbling around me, I'd lost her forever, and I couldn't even gain the nerve to face her.

_And all the words we never say come out and now we are all ashamed._

_And there is no sense._

"Fang?" Her voice was a whisper. "I'm sorry,"

"You know what Max?" My voice was venom in my own mouth as I spat each word out. "I don't care, I don't want your apologies, I wanted you, but don't worry, that dream has sailed, I won't bother you anymore."

"Fang, I don't want this…"

"I get that Max!" I raised my voice. "You don't need to tell me again, just rejecting my whole heart was enough to shatter it, you don't need to rub the broken pieces into the dirt!"

_In playing games, when you done all you can do._

I turned away, ready to leave, ready to get out of there, unwilling to listen to her rip away at my heart little bit by little bit. "Fang!" He voice was a yell at my back. I paused, my hands clenching into fists.

"What?" I spat out, I could feel my anger seething, I needed to get out of there! I couldn't take this out on her, I understood that she didn't want to be with me that way, but she still wanted my friendship. I was just distraught at my own declaration of love. I sighed. "Look, Max, I'm sorry, but I can't do this, just like you couldn't,"

"Fang!" Her voice was almost a whisper.

"Please Max, let me walk away." I took the silence as an allowance to disappear. Just as I started walking I felt a hand grip my elbow. Max.

"Fang…" she murmured.

"Let me go." I said. Unwilling to stay where my heart was destroyed. She let go of my elbow, her hand dropping, and I carried on walking.

_But now it's over, it's over. Why is it over? _

_We had the chance to make it._

Footsteps where behind me, following me.

_Now it's over,_

_It's over. It can't be over. _

"Fang, wait, please." Her voice echoed in my head. I stopped, slowly turning to face her.

"Look Max, I can't do this now, I wish I could take it back, but it's over. I lost, let me leave with at least some dignity."

_I wish that I could take it back, but it's over._

"Fang, seriously, just wait!" Her voice was full of authority, but I was way past asking how high to jump. I was past this. I was past waiting for her to love me back, waiting for her to want to kiss me.

"What do you want Max? Can't you just let me leave?"

_I lose myself in all these fights; _

"I could, but you promised me you'd never leave me." A hint of a smile played across her lips as she looked up at me slowly.

"Not now Max, maybe later." And I turned again. Walking away and turning the corner to the stairs.

Suddenly Angel stood in my way. "Fang! What are you doing?"

_I lose my sense of wrong and right. _

"I'm following our great leaders performance, I'm running away Angel, I can't deal with it right now!"

"You really think the flock can deal with losing you again? Max defiantly can't deal with that!"

"I think she can Ang, she stopped me, she doesn't feel the same way, she doesn't love me!" I could feel the tears falling from my eyes, and with Angel, I wasn't ashamed.

_I cry, I cry._

_I'm shaking from the pain that's in my head. _

My head was shaking back and forth, tears running down my face as Angel pulled me into the stair well. "Come with me Fang." She dragged me up the stair well up to the roof. We stood, on top of the hotel. Breathing in the high, cool air. "Fly with me Fang."

I shook my head. "No Ang, hun, I just want to go to bed, just forget this night happened."

_I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away_

_The life I led. But I won't let it die._

_But I won't let it die._

"Fang, I think you need this, you need to fly, you need to forget everything." I nodded. I jumped into the air, throwing my wings out behind me and taking flight, knowing Angel wasn't going to follow I flew quick and fast, further and further away, feeling better to be away from everything. Away from Max. Away from the flock, away from pretending it doesn't hurt that the one girl who I love doesn't think it's possible, and doesn't feel the same way. A heavy weight of relief fell away onto the winds back as I flew.

Before I knew it, I was at the cave. The cave me and Max had had our second kiss, our first major one. The image of her fleeting figure hit my like a boulder.

_But it's over, it's over. Why is it over? _

_We had the chance to make it. _

I sat back against the wall, reminiscing about that kiss, falling into the same part of the wall that first time. I groaned, trying to get Max out of my mind, but finding it impossible.

_Now it's over, It's over. _

_It can't be over. I wish that I could take it back._

I looked up into the distance, seeing that figure in the distance, the black shadow of her flying form in the night, only, instead of getting further away, it was coming closer. I sat up, trying to fold myself into the shadows, as well as being able to see what was happening.

Max landed into the cave entrance, he voice called out "Fang? Are you here, we need to talk." I covered myself in the darkness, trying to hide from her, wanting just a couple of minuets without her. "Please Fang, I want to talk about this!"_I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart. _

She sighed, turning away and setting of to fly again. I sprang up, quickly running towards her, not wanting to see her fly away, even if I hadn't had anything to do with the reason. "Max," I whispered. Grasping her elbow. She jumped slightly, startled, before folding her wings back in and pulling me into a hug.

_Don't say this wont last forever. _

Our hug went on forever. Time itself seemed to stop around us. "Fang, we need to talk about this." She pulled away, stepping away from my grasp, so that we weren't touching. I nodded, looking to the floor. "I'm sorry."

_You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart. _

"Only people say sorry for things beyond there control, when really they just mean 'I share your grief'" I smiled. "Look, I'm tried of you saying sorry, I understand."

_Don't tell that we will never be together. _

"No Fang, you don't, look, you think I want this? For you to tell me you love me and for me not to be able to say it back?"

"Oh, that must be so hard for you." I almost spat, but I tried to keep cool, knowing that, as the leader of the flock, I had to listen to her.

_We could be over_

_And over, we could be forever._

"Shut up and listen!" She grabbed my arms, holding me where I was, trying hard to keep me where I was, keep me from leaving. I wasn't going anywhere.

"Fine, I'm listening."

"I know you want to hear an 'I love you' back, but you have to understand how hard it is for me. My whole life I've had to hide how I truly feel, for the good of the flock I've had to have my own emotional block. You can't just spring this on me, you can't just tell me you love me and then get angry that I don't say it back! This is hard for me, the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and it's not that I don't feel the same way, it's not that at all Fang, because I do, I really do, I just can't say it yet."

I smashed my face to hers, joining our lips together in a passionate kiss, my hands wrapped around her waist, circling between her wings, her hands wrapped around my neck as fireworks exploded in my mind.

"It's not over Fang, it's not over." She smiled, leaning in to kiss me once more, lightly and sweetly. This was what I'd been waiting for.

_It's not over. It's not over, it's never over, _

_unless you let it take you, it's not over,_

_It's not over, it's not over, _

_unless you let it break you. _

_It's not over._


End file.
